Operation Pulverized Proboscis
by whump-2-go
Summary: Just a little fun introduction to our next story. By Cokie316 and sym64.


**A/N** : Back in March we had a fun poll on our blog whump2go dot wordpress dot com about who our readers want to see with a broken nose. You see, one of our readers had this idea and we were game to try it. Of course, the result of that poll was not that surprising. ;-)

38 % of our readers wanted to read a story where Steve's nose gets broken. The rest was as followed:

Denning 10 % - Kamekona 4 % - Duke 1 % - Joe 4 % - Jerry 3 % - Max 3 % - Ellie 4 % - Grace 4 % - Catherine 6 % - Lou 3 % - Kono 1 % - Chin 2 % - Danny 17 %

Our readers' wish is our command, so we started to write a story. This is not the story, just a little update we posted for our blog readers about four weeks ago.

Now that we have decided to also post on FFnet, we thought it might be good to introduce all you 'non-followers' of the blog about the story. By the way… make way for a shameless plug… you really should follow our blog, so you won't miss out on the fun.

Anyway, the real story will be posted this Sunday. …Cokie and Sam

* * *

 **The Prequel:**

 **Operation Pulverized Proboscis — or —**

 **The Case of the Busted Beak — or —**

 **Steve's Shattered Snout — or —**

 **The Smashed Snoot — or —**

 **Only the Nose Knows**

* * *

 _ **Five-0 Headquarters – late evening**_

"Steve McGarrett," the voice said over the phone.

"Uh, hi, Steve, thanks for taking our call."

"Well, you were transferred from the governor's office, so I didn't really have a chance to decline. Can I ask whom I'm speaking with?"

"We are Sam and Cokie, but you might know us by ' _ **Whump-2-go**_ ', our blog site."

Steve quickly began writing on a notepad, then waved the sign in front of his glass window, getting Chin's attention.

CHIN: TRACE!

"Oh… and if you want to trace the call, I wouldn't bother. We did have the call routed through the governor's office."

"Yeah, how did you get him on board with your schemes? Poison? Bribery? Or did you replace him with a look-alike?" Steve's panicked voice asked. He was a SEAL, and a damned good one. But these two struck fear like no others.

"No, of course not." He heard the laughing voice say over the phone. "None of that. We just explained to him that we wanted to call and apologize."

"Apologize? You mean you're _**sorry**_ for all the crap you've put me through?"

"Well… no, not exactly."

"Ha! I thought so! So, what then? What could you be sorry for?"

"Um… for what we are _**going**_ to do to you."

"You mean… you're not done?" Steve called out, and anyone who listened closely could have heard a slight shiver of fear in his voice.

"Oh, no… not by a long shot. But this time, it isn't our fault."

"What do you mean it isn't your fault? It's always your fault when I end up with all these bruises and broken bones. You _**could**_ stop writing, you know!"

"Well, no we can't. Really. Writing is in our DNA. It is physically impossible to stop writing. We've tried. It just ain't gonna happen."

"Great." The word was barely discernable as it was muttered beneath his breath. "So, would you mind telling me what isn't your fault? And exactly WHY it isn't your fault?"

"You see, it's like this. Sam had this great idea for a poll on our blog site."

"So, this must be Cokie talking."

"Yeah, right now, this is Cokie. Sorry, I didn't introduce myself earlier. But Sam is here, too."

"And it appears, Cokie that you just threw Sam under the bus by blaming her for some poll on your blog site."

"Wait!" Sam quickly stopped his reasoning. "This is all MamaYorkie's fault. It was her idea in the first place."

"Am I going to hear what the idea is?" Steve got a bit impatient.

"Yes, of course," Cokie hastily answered. "You see, it's like this. We did a poll on our blog site to see whose nose should be broken in a story. The list of names was endless. I mean, anyone was fair game."

"So why is it my nose that you want to attack?"

" _ **We**_ don't want to break your nose. Honestly we don't. But, _**they**_ love you so much that…"

"Wait… let me get this straight… I get injured because people _**love**_ me?"

"Absolutely! See. You understand."

"No… really, I don't," he hastily admitted. "Has anyone ever told you two that you're certifiable?"

"Um… not recently. Really we are quite sane. Promise. And this time, we wanted to break someone else's nose. And some other people got votes, too."

"Let me explain," Sam told him, using her persuasive voice of reason. "They were allowed to vote for three different people to receive a broken nose. Denning was rather popular. In fact, some people were hoping _**you**_ would be the one to break his nose. Oh, please don't tell him that," she added as an afterthought.

"Why would I break the governor's nose?" Steve asked.

"Well, we didn't get that far yet. We had some ideas, but… anyway, some people actually wanted us to break Grace's nose."

He could practically hear her shaking her head about that. "Now that's just mean!" he said. "What has she ever done to any of you?"

"Nothing, but she was on the list… Several people want you to break Danny's nose," Sam said with obvious glee in her voice.

"Yeah, well, some days even *I* would like to do that."

"So, see, we aren't that whacked out, are we?"

"I never said that." Again, the words were barely breathed and the two had to strain to hear him.

"But Danny didn't even get half the votes that you did. Like we said, you are very popular. And liked so much," Cokie emphasized again.

"I'm ecstatic."

"That sounded a tad sarcastic."

"Really? It must be a bad phone connection."

"Of course…"

"So," Steve sighed. "How are you gonna do it? I'd at least like to be prepared."

"Oh, we haven't gotten that far yet," the writers said with a laugh. "We're still discussing what might happen. The right planning is most important."

"I guess it will be a case gone wrong?"

"Maybe not. One of your friends could break your nose. You know, some type of accident," Cokie told him.

"Or, you might even break your own nose," Sam added. "We're just not sure yet."

"Why the hell do you think I would break my nose?" Steve asked. "Not even you can make me that crazy."

"Well, there _**are**_ silly accidents," Sam pointed out.

"Not to me there aren't," Steve quickly pointed out. "I am a SEAL. I believe I'm coordinated enough to NOT break my nose."

"We'll see," Cokie muttered, loud enough for only Sam to hear.

"Come again?"

"Oh, nothing, Steve. Really, we just wanted to let you know that all this isn't our fault, so you won't blame us."

"If you don't mind, I will withhold my judgment until later."

"That's fair," they agreed.

"So, when should I expect this problem? Can I at least be prepared?"

"It will happen soon," they were quick to point out. "But as for where and when, or how… well, we just can't divulge our secrets. You know it's kinda classified. Just be watchful."

"Yeah. I'll do that. And can I ask a favor?"

"Certainly," they agreed with matching smiles. "Anything for you, Steve. We're on your side."

"Good. Then never, never _**EVER**_ call me again. Is that understood?"

"Ah… yeah, um, OK. We were just trying, you know, to… Sam, I think he's a bit upset with us."

"You think?" Steve bellowed into the phone before the line went dead.

H50 - H50 - H50

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 _ **Tune back in on Sunday for "Steve's Nose-vella" - shout out to KIM for the cool name. :-)**_

 _ **And don't forget to follow us on wordpress; for updates, pictures and exclusive stories.**_


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